A March Tribute

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Breast Cancer, grief, healing, Love, March, Mom, Photography, Spring, trees

It is my mom’s birthday, the second one we have marked since she passed away last year and for her birthday I am going to post March’s tree.  It is not a full blown tree but a few branches. It is a promise of what is coming as the buds begin to swell and burst open.

                My mom was a creature of spring she was born in the spring and loved everything about it. The trees awakening, the anticipation of her hummingbirds returning, the flowers, buttercups, irises, hyacinths and crocuses, all brought her joy and delight. As I reflect on the life my mom lived and the lessons she taught me I can only hope to live my life as unselfishly as she did. Spring has arrived and with it the joy of my mom is reflected. I hope today you too are reminded life is beautiful and live with anticipation.

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Another Life Lesson Given By A Tree (FEB)

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Black and White Photography, death, dying, flight, Gallatin Tennessee, grief, Landscapes, Nature Photography, Old Hickory Lake, sole, Sumner County, Tennessee, trees

It’s common knowledge that trees become bare during winter, but how do they keep themselves alive during the bitter cold. Trees go through a process similar to hibernation called dormancy, and that is what keeps them alive during the winter.

 Grief is like dormancy in that everything within slows down, energy, joy, ambition and so on. It is possible to force a tree to evade dormancy if you keep it inside and with a stable temperature and light pattern. However, this is usually bad for the tree. It’s natural for trees to go through dormancy cycles, and the lifespan of the plant is dramatically decreased if the tree is not allowed to go dormant for a few months. Trees have winter dormancy for a reason, and it’s best to just let them run their course as nature intended. That being said grief too is an important part of healing and being whole, to grieve is cleanse oneself for renewal. To prepare for new growth and embrace the beauty of the person you are becoming.

 

Traveling on………………….

Tags

Black and White, grief, loss, Photography

I am tip toeing into this weekend, feeling a little bruised and battered. Today is February 22^nd and there is a pit in my stomach knowing in four days I will wake up and know Tony has been gone 5 years. I am dreading it and stunned at how powerful his loss feels still. It’s funny how losing a child forever marks you and changes everything you think and feel about the world. Someone said recently “it must be getting easier “and I just stopped in shock at how wrong that statement was, No it is not easier, every day you still mourn even when you are smiling and happy you still feel the emptiness. There are so many things people never tell you about grief. About the way you’ll feel and act and think and live after you lose a child. What I have learned these past five years is to forgive myself, to love fiercely those around me, to worry less about what others think and focus more on enjoying the moment, to hide less and explore more. Grief has taught me to dance with life and embrace each and every day.

On the Inside Looking Out

Tags

cancer, cats, death, grief, Pets, Photography

I ended December and started January with grand plans. I was going to make time daily to get out and shoot, I was going to be more diligent about blogging my favorite shot of the week and I was going to find my passion again. Funny how that works out, I could blame the weather after all we had a Polar Vortex. I could blame so many things but the truth is much more personal and painful. I tried to explain it to someone last night and in doing so realized I did have a post.

I have a new cat “Nippers”. We have bonded quite well all things considered. Nipper’s was a stray not a true feral but we had been dancing around each other since early spring. Late October Nippers finally made the move to visit inside and a few weeks later she had settled in. She loves her new home and is without a doubt happy. I believe she would not change a thing. Even when she sits and stares for long periods of time out the window at the world she played, hunted, slept and belonged in. Sure she would love to be climbing that tree and stalking those birds but she is where she belongs.

That is my life right now too. I am grieving still for my mom, stuck as I walk through these last few weeks leading up to her being gone a year, Grieving for a son I miss dearly and a little surprised how quickly the years are flying by without him.  I am saddened watching the struggle my dad is going through and so amazed by how brave and funny and excepting he has been with the changes cancer brings to a body.  But I am happy, content, and at peace with my life. Yes I am looking out the window right now at the places I cannot go shoot and the light and shadows and compositions I am missing right now.  But like Nippers I am turning away from that window and finding new ways to construct my time and my days in this new role I find myself in. Nippers will always be a cat and I yes I will always be a photographer.

The Journey – ” Resilience”

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Black and White, Flowers, grief, Photography, resilience, Silhouette

Every great personal story you have to tell involves overcoming adversity. If you shy away from adversity, you take away your ability to tell new stories. – Farrel Droke

I have heard often, what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. So how do you define “strong”? For me, “stronger” means looking back at the person I was and comparing it to the person I have become today. To do this I have had to look at myself and realizing that the person I am today couldn’t exist if it weren’t for the things that have happened in the past or for the people that I have met. Everything that happens in our life happens for a reason and sometimes that means we must face heartaches in order to experience joy.

These past 3 posts have truly been for me a vehicle to clear my head and embrace everything which lies ahead. This journey called life built on memories, obstacles and resilience is an amazing journey. Every day is a gift and a treasure as this year creeps closer and closer to its inevitable end I intend to fully embrace each and every day and enjoy the ride.

The Journey – ” Memories”

Tags

grief, growth, lake, memories, Nature, Photography, Sunrise

“Only as high as I reach can I grow, only as far as I seek can I go, only as deep as I look can I see, only as much as I dream can I be.” – Karen Ravn

Memories are priceless treasures that we can cherish forever in our hearts. Memories also help us to continue on with our journey for whatever outcome life has in store for us. Sometimes all it takes is one special person to help us look inside and discover a person we never knew existed. Our eyes are suddenly opened to a world we never knew existed- a world where time is so precious and moments never seem to last long enough. Hold on to those memories for they are a gift and a part of who you are but leave free to reach out and grasp the present and the future for here is where you will find the new memories to take you the rest of the way.