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I am tip toeing into this weekend, feeling a little bruised and battered. Today is February 22nd and there is a pit in my stomach knowing in four days I will wake up and know Tony has been gone 5 years. I am dreading it and stunned at how powerful his loss feels still. It’s funny how losing a child forever marks you and changes everything you think and feel about the world. Someone said recently “it must be getting easier “and I just stopped in shock at how wrong that statement was, No it is not easier, every day you still mourn even when you are smiling and happy you still feel the emptiness. There are so many things people never tell you about grief. About the way you’ll feel and act and think and live after you lose a child. What I have learned these past five years is to forgive myself, to love fiercely those around me, to worry less about what others think and focus more on enjoying the moment, to hide less and explore more. Grief has taught me to dance with life and embrace each and every day.

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